Become Healthy By Listening Holistically
By Cornelle Sterk
In this time of more 'awareness', more balance and staying in balance, there is a lot of knowledge coming to us. It is wonderful to take all this into account and then, of course, to transform everything into that for which we ourselves choose.
Waking up is what they call it nowadays...
I also experience more and more that the knowledge is in all of us, and that our body, our physical body wants to pass on that knowledge to us. Listening to it is the message I give to my clients and students. Learning to listen makes us "live - competent" and you don't need years of study for that, no difficult exams. Just a moment of listening, feeling and experiencing. Then take action to regain your healthy balance and live the “Happinezz-way”.
What Do I Mean By Holistic Listening?
As an example, I will give you a case from my practice to show you how to integrate holistic listening into your life. In my practice many clients come with the following request for help. "I want peace of mind, I want myself back.
I'd like to feel alive again, I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want anymore...!"
Cindy is a married woman, 46 years young, 1 child (15 yr) and a job in the banking sector.
Cindy comes to me for consultation, she feels 'empty' and she wants peace of mind! Her relationship isn't going well and at work she doesn't finish her tasks. She is tired, exhausted, because she regularly sleeps badly and has more and more headaches. Her shoulder also hurts a lot and she blames this on her computer work. She also sometimes forgets things.
Cindy also says that she doesn't really recognize herself anymore, she has changed. She wants to move forward but she can't really do it anymore. Playing sports is really no longer possible and her social contacts are no longer relevant to her.
Recently, on the advice of her doctor, she was prescribed medication to be able to sleep well, which unfortunately doesn't work very well. She also wakes up regularly at night, around 3:00 am.
Let's Get To Work
When Cindy and I go and see what the reason might be, is that she no longer has peace of mind, 'a hundred thousand yes-yes' come up to answer my questions. She gets completely upset during the intake, even almost panic-stricken.
She says very emotional: "yes, but, I have to make sure that everything keeps running smoothly at work and in my family... and I just feel what they need".
The next step is to look at how she thinks and feels about certain things.
That's a difficult task for Cindy, thinking that she can put into words, but feeling that isn't very easy. She says she can't feel anymore, everything happens in her head now. That's why we spend one day together... What's she doing? Afterwards we analyze that behavior together and by thinking about it with a tool we get to her feelings.
Cindy needs a lot of herself. Being a good mother, a good partner, daughter and daughter-in-law and assisting her colleagues where necessary. Even if something needs to be arranged at her son's school, she is there. She feels very good about people, even before they ask for something, Cindy will do it. If she's not asked, she'll offer it!
Soon it becomes clear that Cindy is probably in a burn-out and is probably also very sensitive (we can certainly speak of a High Sensitive Person here). We are going to investigate this further.
The First Step
When I say the word burn-out, Cindy looks at me like she sees water burning. Cindy can't believe she could have a burn-out. After all, she's a strong woman who can handle anything, or is she?
When I explain to her that in order to get a burn-out, you have to be very strong, then she wants to listen to my explanation.
I explain that there are phases in the 'burning away deeper' during a burn-out process. It goes a little deeper and deeper until... you can't anymore. You can't think anymore, make decisions, barely move and you can't see life at all... what life?
I give her the explanations at each stage and she gets quieter and quieter.
Below you will find all phases from 1 to 12:
1. The urge to prove yourself - 2. Increased stakes - 3. Neglecting one's own need -4. Reducing conflicts and needs - 5. Reducing values - 6. Increased displacement of problems - 7. Social withdrawal - 8. Change in behaviour - 9. Loss of feeling of own personality - 10. Inner emptiness - 11. Depression & despair - 12. Complete burnout (Model Freudenberger and North 2002).
That's how Cindy finds out she's not a weak bird but a very strong aunt who always knows about mittens and offers solutions and will perform. "At all costs." Only now the 'rack' is out, she's burned up and extinguished.
The phase in which she ended up, is almost in 9 or 10 anyway... it scares her.
"Is it because she's in a heavy job? No, it's not.
Is it because she's in the wrong job? No, it's not...
Is it work-related? No..."
Will it be visible on the work floor? Yes
So How Did This Happen?
It appears time and again from the experience I have gained in the last 18 years, that a burn-out manifests itself on the work floor. The person's personal characteristics cause him or her to burn up. It's not the work, not the boss, not the partner, not the kids.
It is how the person in question deals with circumstances and persons themselves. Making himself or herself 'known'. Getting out of this situation without relapse, is possible if you tackle this in a holistic way.
The 4 Bodies We're Going To Listen To Holistically:
- The Physical Body, the body we know with all our "organs and juices"
- The Mental body, the thinking of us, the thinker.
- The Emotional body, the feeling, the emotion zone.
- The Spiritual body, our real being, the I-be.
A Short Sketch Of How Things Are Going Wrong:
The physical body lets us see and feel what's going on. How our thoughts are at that moment. In other words, if I am not in balance with all my bodies, there is imbalance. The course of becoming ill, as with a burnout, can be sketched as follows;
- The person is not living his real I-be, his spiritual path. -The person is not living his real I-be, his spiritual path.
- The person doesn't follow his own true feelings. -The person doesn't follow his own true feelings.
- The person's thoughts are not his own thoughts according to his own values and norms belonging to that unique person.
- So the behavior that the person shows goes against what the person actually wants.
The actions, the behavior that thus arises from the thinking is what needs to be tackled. There is learned behaviour and thinking that does not suit the person. This thinking is not based on that person's own world of feeling, so it really goes wrong in the long run. Everything goes out of balance
Holistic Listening As A Solution To Illness
The way to find out how to get back into balance now is to listen to your body. What does it say, what does it show, where does it no longer feel right and how do you deal with it. What do you do, what you don't want to do?
I say to my clients I counsel in this: "what is the problem behind your problem?"
If a way of thinking can be clearly formulated through good questioning, then you can also expose the underlying conviction.
This obstructive belief keeps the person away from his true being. This can be caused by fears, sadness or anger.
By working together on this the own IK-ben comes more and more into his strength, is made own again.
From this spiritual I-awareness that now lets the unique self of the person live again, the emotional body feels heard and felt again. The thoughts and thinking from the mental body are then based on own regained values and norms, put down in behaviour. People then live their own values and norms. One follows one's own feelings, put this down in words, thoughts and actions. The physical body will respond to this and complaints and illnesses can diminish or even disappear.
This seems like a utopia to many, yet fortunately it works this way, this has been known for centuries.
The only thing the person in question has to do is to choose for themselves to get back into balance.
For the environment it is usually shocking to see a person change like this... Unfortunately, the environment works a bit against in the beginning, because this 'renewed' person with this different behaviour, thoughts, feelings and vision of life, they do not know!
"From my own experience, I know that when your environment struggles, you're on the right path, the path to yourself, back in balance with your own standards and values, living your mission."
Back to Cindy
When Cindy and I start listening to her body 'holistically' she finds it hard to tell where the unrest is, while looking at me questioningly she points at her head. The sadness of not remembering who she really is is around her heart. When she points this out Cindy cries tears with spouts.
By working with Cindy in a transpersonal way it is not possible to relive the unpleasant experience she has gained in the past. This is what we are looking at. Making clear what is going on in the depths there on an emotional level.
Her conviction that hindered her: "I'm not allowed to be there" is the big blockage that prevented Cindy from becoming herself.
By working on this conviction together with the holistic quadrant and Regenesis/Super Quantum Tough, Cindy has been able to transform this.
This is how Cindy set out to find herself again. During our collaboration, in which we have used inner child tools to be able to feel the emotions again with support of the chakra-cleaning and creative assignments, Cindy has become a different person, herself. She has found herself again, now feels who she is and is completely in balance. She now lives the Happinezz-way.
She now knows exactly who she really is, what she finds important and how she wants to shape her life. She sleeps like a rose again and doesn't wake up at night anymore. The headaches and shoulder pains have disappeared and at work everything is running smoothly. She plays volleyball every week and parties again, that's where she goes when she really feels like it.
Her husband and son had to get used to the new Cindy, because they now have their own tasks at home.
This way you can see that the holistic approach can change your life in a positive way. You change your thinking in your thinking, you follow your own feelings, your true I-feeling and show that in behaviour and language. The fear disappears, the sadness gets a place and you can really feel yourself again. In this way there is also no relapse possible, because you recognize the signals immediately and you know "olala this isn't for me, this doesn't feel right." Daring to say that makes you the strong person who can stay in balance on your own acquired strength. Your positive life force.
That's the Happinezz-way-of-living.
You can Listen to Cornelle's Interview in the video above