Little Gifts of Sunshine
By Caroline Carr
I’ve just had a great Skype consultation with a client who lives overseas. She said:
“I’m finally learning to let go. I think I’ve tried to control things all my life, and I reached burn out. I just had to stop everything for a while – work, socialising etc, and be a mess. I’m still dealing with that really, even though I’m in a much better place than I was last year. But now I realise that you just can’t control everything, or expect things to be exactly as you think they should be.”
She then went on formulate decisions regarding her very tricky relationship with her partner who is mentally unwell.
I’m so thrilled for her because it’s taken a while to get to this point. Her partner has been unwell for some time, and when we were first in contact she was desperately worried, and blamed herself for not being able to fix him. She became riddled with self-doubt, sadness and guilt – all perfectly usual emotions to experience when someone you love is mentally ill.
During further conversations over a period of time, I noticed that this sadness gave way to periods of real frustration and anger – a sort of energy and electricity so intense that I thought my computer or phone might blow up! At these times she’d question:
“But how can he not see how all of this is affecting me? I just don’t get it – how can he be so cold towards me? He’s fine with everyone else – it’s just me. But I’m the one trying to help him…” Sentiments which again, are all perfectly normal in these circumstances.
But today… today’s call was different. There has been an enormous shift in the way my client seems to be thinking and feeling. I started to feel excited, then inspired as we talked together.
These are some of the things I loved about our conversation today:
* Just as I thought about something and pondered on how to best put it across, my client reflected the very essence of that thought back to me, without my having to say anything at all. Very quickly she then arrived at the decisions that I would have chosen for her (had it been my job to do so.)
* I was in awe of the words of insight and wisdom that kept popping out of her mouth. I felt as if I was receiving little treats through the airwaves, which I wanted to store up and save for later - in order to relish and digest them at my leisure. (Annoyingly, I forgot many of her exact words as soon as we disconnected. Any attempt to scribble things down as we chatted was a waste of time because I can’t read my own writing anyway).
* She told me she thought I was very wise, and I take that as a huge compliment.
I’m confident that my client is coming through this really challenging emotional journey, and that she’s now at a place where she can make the best decisions about how to best move forward in her life. Though I may not remember her exact words, the gist of her message was clear:
“I’m getting there. I needed to speak to you because I knew you would say things that would resonate with me, that I already knew deep down. I just needed to hear you say them and affirm that I’m on the right track.” Actually, she said them herself instead!
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Caroline Carr is the founder of LET THE SUNSHINE IN, a website which offers fun and inspiration for all, whilst also providing support for those whose partners are depressed.
Caroline is passionate about helping people to connect with their bright side, build inner strength and find joy – even when they are going through a tough time.
She is a clinical hypnotherapist, a life coach and a teacher of Laughter Yoga. She is also a Lifemusic practitioner and the author of several self help books including: LIVING WITH DEPRESSION, how to cope when your partner is depressed.
Learn more about Caroline and her work here: www.lettingthesunshinein.com
Copyright © Caroline Carr 2015